[stigmatized／聖痕]

[receptors]
From text to image, there must be something lost.
There are several things that make me a linkage to God's creation in this world: Art series (music, films and etc.), humanity, and observation. Being one of them, observation give adverse effect sometimes. Additionally, what away from another delightful production is sense of humor and criticism. I was used to be an "ousider" who keeps a distance from those "raw material" stuff in the world long before. It helps a lot to seperate and distinguish some elements from the surface. It seems to devote myself into God's plan is the same thing with to involve in the real world, so far, of course it needs lots of courage and strength. Insider, it is what i was doing and what i have to do.



One of the truths i have found these days is, the way how i learn new things is presented long before and kinda amazing. It seems i can have more receptors from many reflections of nature with more instruments i learn or touch, more movies, art productions and melody i hear, and more people i contact. Once i hated the sensitivity revealed on my own because of receiving so much sorrows and desires from human even from myself. It is suddenly enlightened that the meaningful thing is how to control the force but to deny and reject the gift from heaven. I prayed right after the acknowledgement for using them well and hope to honor HIS name on the stage anywhere, few months ago. After hearing numerous types of music these year, i return to the baseline recently. Japanese pop (Lar'c en ciel) led me walk on the land of drums and bass; British styles(RHCP, radiohead) gave me another sense of slack and spontaneousness. It is a transition stage for me to enjoy the worship songs while driving along the way beneath the cloudy skies even pale moon light. It is one of the greatest creation ever--music, the vibration of the air--to fulfill mankind's living. Ease and free my soul eternally.



It seems another providence to realize the barrier hinders me from drums and bass playing...it links to my familiar style of reading and growing directly, but it is not so clear so far, to avoid redundancy, let's talk about it next time. Key words: firm and rhythm.





One of the symbols of real courage is, to face and surpass barriers with strength of God though getting tired, annoyed, even pissed off by the "real world" or even damaged by them, because we know the difference between "REAL" and "TRUTH". The former hints us pieces of impossibilities and stigmata, the latter removes our sights and minds from what the world think of. I know i am still learning about so many things, like to face to shame of being inappropriate in behaviors and manners and to insist on doing right things after irreversible damage. (Yap...BE a man, DO the right thing) I knew it before but can only made it sometimes. Don't know why, but it reminds me another epigram told from one of my military peers long before. "The one who loves you most is the one willing to turn away his back against the whole world." Man, maybe we don't have to fight desperately, because another harsh battlefield lays inside our hearts, old-me.




I think it is still meaningful to touch and know more and more people who know the principles and rules followed in this world. Mom said i should be good at academic jobs in faculties as a professor or scholar. We both are startled by the way i am running on, once. No wonder why people treasure and miss their campus livings so often; it is mercy, sometimes i think.




"To take revenge, sometimes you have to embrace the other side" said by a colonel in the movie "Wolverine". Woops, sorry, manifestly i don't think it is a "RIGHT" reason to sustain and to fight for along the way. The toughest thing is NOT knowing we will succeed on something through all things we have already. it is to insist and sustain on the "RIGHT" thing revealed to us even it shows a high percentage to "LOSE" or to jeopardize others. I treat it as another miracle and act of priviledged grace. When a thing is scarce, it is precious.



Prayer this morning,
Dear heavenly Father, thank you for giving me everything includes full and empty, colors and blank. They are all my prayers 3 years ago. Make me be a man who steels himself to the edge continuously. Please let me know when I am ready. I strive on my part, and you make yours. If you allow, i want to fly.

i want to fly, if allowed;
i want to fly, if allowed,
i want to fly, if allowed.

Stonger than any before, tougher than any before, then.


Here comes a link of a blessed gospel servant in ORTV, it is so touching.

Jon Li: You are all I need

A composer in gospel, i know, soon i will be.

Soon.