[LONG SUFFERING, ENDURANCE, STEADFASTNESS]

When standing on the stage for worship service last Sunday, I decided to sing barely instead of playing bass finally, and found something I had forgotten for a really long time. The thing I ought to do is to put myself prior to any frame or style of worship or playing. I have serve with my skill but my soul so many times...something changes and reminds me how great it is, and how great He is.

I almost forget the voice, my voice, to him.

THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU
NO ONE ELSE CAN TOUCH MY HEART LIKE YOU DO
I COULD SEARCH FOR ALL ETERNITY LORD, AND FIND THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU


YOUR MERCY FLOWS LIKE A RIVER WIDE
AND HEALING COMES FROM
YOUR HANDS
SUFFERING CHILDREN ARE SAFE IN YOUR ARMS
THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

I COULD SEARCH FOR ALL ETERNITY LONG AND FIND
THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

Once and once again, I sing with the chorus in the storm.




............
Actually I felt depressed while knowing my sales budget for 09' at the very moment.
我記得James在我on board前的忠告,
"不要一開始就出盡全力"
That's hard, especially when I have to make my resume looks better for application!
The company seems to be greedy on me than others.

剛到職的時候, 沒人看好, 因為背著全組第二高的budget.
budget1000萬的人, 做到1300萬, 130%即可領全額獎金,
但我做到1500萬才算是基本100%不被fire掉.

資深業代每天傍晚回家陪家人的時候, 我還在外面跑業績！
09年公司不管不景氣, 全team調漲budget, 最資深的調漲400萬, 我卻是700萬！
無怪乎離職員工說, "I hate Head Quarter treats Taiwan as an ATM..."
無怪乎國外朋友說, "Taiwan companies prefer cheap labor, and you are one of them."

But Why???
當別人月底用各樣方式報帳銷發票的時候, 我堅持用自掏腰包資助客戶忘年會
當別人月支費用被發警告信說不准超過兩萬的時候, 我每個月都控制低於一萬五
付出換回來的是更多的貪婪
透支體力換來的是更多的要求與期望
我期望的只是讓績效與數字好看些, 好補GPA的不足,
Why.............


It seems all storms are gathering to be a huge trial in my life.
當每天拼命擠出時間準備考試與申請文件的時候
當已經數不清幾次在停紅燈打盹的時候
當一天內連續兩次在high way因為恍惚變換車道被大燈閃醒的時候
當付出似乎不得回報的時候, 當一切似乎失去希望的時候
當我把自己放在"似乎已經做的很好"的地方, 卻忽略了上帝能力的時候......




晚上一邊準備iBT備考資料一邊忍不住落淚了,
連要寄給教授的信都打得2266,
看著牆上的白板, 金句寫了滿滿的版面,
心想著怎麼會這樣, 信心呢？忍耐呢？


沖澡時, 彷彿聽見聲音說,
你就是受不了世人用"不公平"的方式待你, 對吧？
別人用某些規則與標準來justify你的的時候,
就可以把你深深刺傷了.
看哪, 你這小信的人！
你的眼光在哪裡呢？
我是怎麼帶你渡過第一年的呢？
以色列人行在曠野中四十年，卻不相信天天行神蹟奇事餵養他們的上帝

若我要成就, 誰能擋呢？
若非我成就, 誰勞力能有果效呢？
我要給你一個新的生命, 你卻停留在靈性低落的光景中,
迦南地的產業要為誰存留？





雅各書1:"...落在百般試煉中, 都要以為大喜樂..."
YBL Day 47, 耶利米哀歌 3:22..."我們不致消滅, 是出於耶和華諸般的慈愛..."

萬般的恩賜中, 唯有"忍耐"必須經過磨難才能學習, 並非禱告就馬上可得
直到不能忍耐的時候, 還要忍耐
這忍耐並非單憑血氣之勇
而是在患難之中, 謹慎言行與活出信心...的見證。



在禱告中,
我彷彿又看見上帝的微笑, 要我緊緊抓住祂
I believe you will lead me to a better place, the promised land.
I know.
堅持, 再堅持.
做好每天應該做的事,
禱告, 等待。


(But I do need your strength, Lord...)
...After tears and prayers, then once again, we fight together.



Psalms 46
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Rome 5:3-4
"...suffering produces perseverance;perseverance, character; and character, hope..."