[stigmatized／聖痕]

[receptors]
From text to image, there must be something lost.
There are several things that make me a linkage to God's creation in this world: Art series (music, films and etc.), humanity, and observation. Being one of them, observation give adverse effect sometimes. Additionally, what away from another delightful production is sense of humor and criticism. I was used to be an "ousider" who keeps a distance from those "raw material" stuff in the world long before. It helps a lot to seperate and distinguish some elements from the surface. It seems to devote myself into God's plan is the same thing with to involve in the real world, so far, of course it needs lots of courage and strength. Insider, it is what i was doing and what i have to do.



One of the truths i have found these days is, the way how i learn new things is presented long before and kinda amazing. It seems i can have more receptors from many reflections of nature with more instruments i learn or touch, more movies, art productions and melody i hear, and more people i contact. Once i hated the sensitivity revealed on my own because of receiving so much sorrows and desires from human even from myself. It is suddenly enlightened that the meaningful thing is how to control the force but to deny and reject the gift from heaven. I prayed right after the acknowledgement for using them well and hope to honor HIS name on the stage anywhere, few months ago. After hearing numerous types of music these year, i return to the baseline recently. Japanese pop (Lar'c en ciel) led me walk on the land of drums and bass; British styles(RHCP, radiohead) gave me another sense of slack and spontaneousness. It is a transition stage for me to enjoy the worship songs while driving along the way beneath the cloudy skies even pale moon light. It is one of the greatest creation ever--music, the vibration of the air--to fulfill mankind's living. Ease and free my soul eternally.



It seems another providence to realize the barrier hinders me from drums and bass playing...it links to my familiar style of reading and growing directly, but it is not so clear so far, to avoid redundancy, let's talk about it next time. Key words: firm and rhythm.





One of the symbols of real courage is, to face and surpass barriers with strength of God though getting tired, annoyed, even pissed off by the "real world" or even damaged by them, because we know the difference between "REAL" and "TRUTH". The former hints us pieces of impossibilities and stigmata, the latter removes our sights and minds from what the world think of. I know i am still learning about so many things, like to face to shame of being inappropriate in behaviors and manners and to insist on doing right things after irreversible damage. (Yap...BE a man, DO the right thing) I knew it before but can only made it sometimes. Don't know why, but it reminds me another epigram told from one of my military peers long before. "The one who loves you most is the one willing to turn away his back against the whole world." Man, maybe we don't have to fight desperately, because another harsh battlefield lays inside our hearts, old-me.




I think it is still meaningful to touch and know more and more people who know the principles and rules followed in this world. Mom said i should be good at academic jobs in faculties as a professor or scholar. We both are startled by the way i am running on, once. No wonder why people treasure and miss their campus livings so often; it is mercy, sometimes i think.




"To take revenge, sometimes you have to embrace the other side" said by a colonel in the movie "Wolverine". Woops, sorry, manifestly i don't think it is a "RIGHT" reason to sustain and to fight for along the way. The toughest thing is NOT knowing we will succeed on something through all things we have already. it is to insist and sustain on the "RIGHT" thing revealed to us even it shows a high percentage to "LOSE" or to jeopardize others. I treat it as another miracle and act of priviledged grace. When a thing is scarce, it is precious.



Prayer this morning,
Dear heavenly Father, thank you for giving me everything includes full and empty, colors and blank. They are all my prayers 3 years ago. Make me be a man who steels himself to the edge continuously. Please let me know when I am ready. I strive on my part, and you make yours. If you allow, i want to fly.

i want to fly, if allowed;
i want to fly, if allowed,
i want to fly, if allowed.

Stonger than any before, tougher than any before, then.


Here comes a link of a blessed gospel servant in ORTV, it is so touching.

Jon Li: You are all I need

A composer in gospel, i know, soon i will be.

Soon.

[Sautille]

Jacob's mobile temple.

Dear Jacob:
After receiving the last "letter of greetings" from NYC, you have only few schools left on the list. As a first-line soldier of company, a independent warrior among peers, a member of family in shifting, a transformer in career life, a believer toward life and belief, you know which part is the most crucial part among all stuff. Even facing multi-tasks around, do not rely on your own ability but God's strength. Do not forget, the barrier and obstacles laying front came from your prayer. Because you prayed for best blessings, patience, and faith, to get rid of your old-me, to expand capacity, here are what you asked for--after shelling conciousness, desires, and intentions from human--to make it complete.


"Stream in the Desert", the gift you received had become part of your support these days from Chinese New Year. Remember the client with malice you met last week? You were accused of a liar, a cheater, because of disagreement in negotiations. The sorrow and astonishment revealed in your eyes were mixed up with perplexities. It must give you some reminder of the trauma in your life once again. Slanders and assaults are nothing new everywhere even out of business field. Just focus of God's words, let it guide your capacity of introspection and recovery. You have to confront more challenges and barriers approaching in the future. After baptism and trials of fire and flood, the gem glances not only in sunlight but darkest night.

There was, is, and will be no formula in your life except blessings.

Buckle up, Jacob, there are more to come, rapidly.



"Everything is possible for him who believes."
























親愛的賈卡布:

前幾天收到最後一封來自高譚市(?)的問候信之後，你清單上的學校還剩多少呢？
身處企業的前線，商場的鬥爭，家庭的過渡期，職涯的轉換，從過去到未來的人生，對信仰，你很明白到底什麼才是重要的。就算同時需要多工處理，也請緊緊抓住真正的力量，不可倚靠自己的聰明。在每天面對著一層又一層磨難與挑戰的時候，別忘了，這些是你當年自己禱告求的。你說要上好的福分，你說要擺脫老我，你說要擴張境界，你說要信心。豈不知你所求的許多，都是必須在去掉了所有人為的干涉與意有所圖之後，單獨面對信仰時才能成就？









從農曆新年以來，那本荒漠甘泉，一天又一天教訓你，提點你，支持著你。記得上週遇到的意有所圖的客戶嗎？因為殺價協商，而當面指控你說謊，騙子的惱羞成怒的手段，那一瞬間，你眼中流露出的震驚與失望，一定是想起了些什麼吧？別忘了，這是對你生命破口的再一次提醒－－攻擊與誣陷，屢見不鮮的地方可不只在商界，唯有定睛在神的話，才能讓你不停更新生命。經過這些磨練，還有未來的更多挑戰，如5/11的荒漠甘泉所言，經歷過患難與苦楚的考驗，你將會更足以堪當重責大任。還有一大段路要走呢，別鬆懈了！在信的人，凡事都能。

在你過去，現在，到未來的人生，沒有公式，唯有恩典。



Yes, I am here.

[Above all]

Thanks to James for picking up the song. I sang it once and once again in my car along the way.

I have to stay in simple for daily living to keep my mind straight.

It doesn't mean I have more leisure time. On the contrary, that lots of stuff congesting my schedule makes me gonna save more time of pondering to keep projects on the rail.

The feeling went complex while Jeremy made a toast to me at annual meeting banquet. "Let's toast for...abroad!" Well, I knew 3 peers began their preparation for GMAT test since last November, accidentally, to apply MBA degrees at fall, 2010. To be compared with those guys who have regular office hour, I complete the progress mostly in my vehicle with fear and depression, at speed from 0 to 62 miles per hour.





It seems as if something puts in my mind but turns into a inconspicuous smile finally. Sure, I can not make everything clear with only few words.


Once again.

Try not to be bullied into something that will suffer if rushed. I felt exhausted and frustrated deeply after finishing AT at January. Voice 1:Don't blame yourself so much, using part-time preparation in 2 months adds up with pressures, it is acceptable. Voice 2:No excuse. only losers say that they have given all their efforts. Voice 3:Nah, you are not talented, but just flattered by someone that you seemed to be good at English.




Always on my catching up on sales performance, on rewriting essays over and over again, on payment transfers, on my flat belly. Eyelids lay down easily on patrol speed, eyeballs feels hurt alone with past months. Well, it still seems good even in such sorrow.



Apparently, all things laying in front seem harsh and tough, maybe it is because you are mad so to believe? Fine,




The war is not over yet, or to say, I do not want to live in days gone by in serenity. It is like a kind of struggle against pragmatism or capitalism, but apparently is an eternal conflict between me and myself. Every words cast away, every tiny decision, every move or action, will call corresponding reaction. Human have to pay more to gain the mercy.


There are so many things on the to-do list, but life is so short.


No time to sigh, because I have to breath to maintain my life.
No time to cry, because it has become my instinct to stand up right after beaten down, even in muddy pits.
No time to think additionally, because the dream is waiting.



It is the reason why I treat every single day as my last day (on the planet), to laugh, to serve, to strive, to confess, to live.












為了專注，我必須讓日常生活不太複雜。這不代表事情可以很少，相反地，必須省下更多思考的時間以維持平衡。



傑洛米前輩在尾牙上敬酒的時候，說 "敬...早日出國！"真是讓我感觸良多。去年十一月的時候，意外知道公司內有三個同事開始上補習班－－為了準備申請2010年的MBA。當時的我在台中只能靠著大陸論壇與網路分享來自修，心裡挫得要死。相比那三位可以準時上下班的同仁，我發覺大部分的讀書進度是在車上－－從時速0到100都有－－完成的。


好像有很多話想說，心思到了嘴邊卻只是抿一抿嘴。
許多事，不是三言兩語就可以交代得完的。


又一次，站在奇怪的位置上。



現在我更可以確定，記憶中痛苦的部份其實沒那麼嚴重。記得剛走出GMAT考場的時候，累積到頂點的壓力造成的疲憊加上不如預期的成績一瞬間來了個會心一擊。第一個聲音說，別太自責，兩個月在職準備加上純自修，況且還有心理壓力與家庭因素，考不好是正常。第二個聲音說，沒有藉口，事實就是沒考好，就像業績沒做到老闆可不會問你是不是感冒拉肚子。第三個聲音說，你果然是英語白痴，以前當兵的時候朋友說你英文不錯只是客套話而已。



從世界的觀點來看，明明條件就惡劣得很，瘋子才會相信有出路。你還相信嗎？雖然你問了，我也只能笑笑，並不清楚該怎麼形容那種感覺。只管看好自己的心與靈魂，剩下的我暫時管不著了。


業績努力追趕，essay重寫無數遍，費用一筆一筆繳出去，肚子也老是咕嚕咕嚕叫，眼皮總在均速的時候特別沈重，眼球這幾個月來卻是越來越痛，不過想著寫著只感覺到，我若不是在天堂，就是在往天堂的路上。我明白自己的影響力，限制，以及能力所及該做的事情。我的祈求是，這些境界可以再擴張，然而若不是為了造就人與榮耀神的緣故，這一切就沒有意義。



何其幸運，我有家人與朋友的無條件全部支持，這些支持並不是為了滿足他們的期望，或是因為我符合他們的價值觀而來的，而是因為是我，愛，無條件。




爭戰尚未結束，或者說，即使結束了，我也不會再想回到過去看似平靜的生活。表面上是對現實社會的掙扎與奮鬥，實際上卻是與老我的永恆鬥爭。每一句出口的話，每一個看似微小的決定，每一舉手投足，都會產生深遠累積的影響。生命要結出聖靈九果，必須有更多代價。



要做的事情實在太多，而生命卻如此短暫。



沒有時間嘆氣，因為必須不停吸氣好踩住下一步。
沒有時間哭泣，因為早一秒從地上爬起來，就多一秒站立的時間，即使扒了滿手土。
沒有時間多想，因為方向老早就定了，只是做的太少。


所以我將每一天都當成最後一天，
在婚禮上給新人驚喜，在有趣的朋友間幫他們牽線，
放聲笑，盡心服事，奮力戰鬥，凡事思想，認真活著。

[Muslin Wedding]

[Vier] Revolution
"Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." I moved out to an apartment located on the place where is away from my home about 10 minutes. To readjust the relationship and attitude with family.



[Drei] Landing
This is where I dreamed for, where I loved at. Just on board at Military Police Marching Band in 2 weeks, rookie. Believe nothing is impossible so long as to shed one's blood and lay down one's life.



[Zwei] Promise. Tolerance.
First day on full-time job. Audit at Pacific Group Instruction till nine and half. Being treated as a step stone because lacking of worldly wisdom. My bike was stolen in front of Taipei 101 after only one-day riding. Paid up the loan of the Giant six months later to granny.



[Ein] Oath. Resolve.
Drove on the way. To face a new challenge to go all out to walk the line.



[Null] Mercy. Salvation.
Genesis 32:24　 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.



[Zukunft] Miracle. Dream.
Let my feet be distant from the place. Guide me into Cannan. Wherever it is, whatever it locates. My dear March 1st.










四年前　革命
離開老家，搬到距離僅十分鐘車程以外的市區公寓，關係與心態的重新調整。



三年前　著陸
我的夢，我的愛。軍樂隊報到兩週整，菜的要命。傻傻的以為未來只要熱血就可以。



二年前　承諾與忍耐
初次踏入正職工作，在太平洋建設查帳到九點半。鐵馬在101前面被偷，騎乘壽命=一天。捷安特的借款半年後還清，苦主為老祖母。



一年前　誓言與決心
道路駕駛經驗<24小時的我，照舊傻傻地驅車登台中，不知道是想不開還是想開了。



現在　恩典與救贖
「只剩下雅各一人，有一個人來和他摔跤，直到黎明。」（創卅二24）



一年後　奇蹟與夢想
願我雙腳離開這深谷，去到應許之地。
無論何處去，無論是否實體。我親愛的三月一日。


Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack - Dreams On Fire

[YBL-Day 84-Do Not be afraid]

"Eine feste Burg ist unser Gott"

The spiritual provision I have is less than a week now, so soon.

Another test is over. I want to apology to the examinee beside me after all, for my intermittent cough in my writing period, hope it did not bother or interfere his speaking section. It is not surprising to know Teresa's AT score is higher than mine even after her short preparation in ONE month. The wonderful thing is the score achieves the lowest standard of her application, amazing!

I participated in a special cell group last Satuday. Maybe it is because of my illness or not, I spoke little but listened mostly. The straight words came out might be quite scary to normal people, but I still feel free on it. After that, I did something that I have never done during the past 7 years, and took some pictures before went home.

Still remember the chat with a friend. He uttered some words surprising to me: He had never thought of the graduation and some following issues after that, he just went out by his confidence. Seriously, it is difficult to know the scene before entering the mist. Maybe we are quite familiar, me and other students studying abroad. We all worry about the same things: admission? scholarship? TA? It is another issue considerable: prosperity or recession.

The progress of spiritual studying, day 84, "Choose to live through out the day happily", what a day!

John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The words it uses are "Do not be afraid" but "be brave", they might be the same thing on both sides, but it brings out the crucial point on the status.

To keep high sensibility with spirit, but human.


轉瞬間就剩下不到一週的存糧了.

考試結束了，最有感覺的大概是想跟隔壁的考生說對不起吧，寫作文的時候不停咳嗽，不知道有沒有干擾到他的麥克風收音。知道老妹的AT在準備月餘就上場的情況下還比我高20分並不意外, 有趣的是這剛好到達他的學校要求的門檻, 感謝主.

週六參加了一個很奇妙的小組, 不知道是不是因為生病, 我變得話少, 聽著大家的分享與會嚇到正常人的直言直語, 卻挺自在. 之後做了一件七年沒做的事情, 回家前順手拍了一些照片.

記得之前跟朋友聊天，他說了一句話讓我有點兒驚到：他出國前根本沒有想過能不能順利畢業，或是以後的事情，就只是憑著信心出去而已！說正格的，不走上這條路真的不知道路有多難走，後來我才漸漸感受到，原來許多留學生的心情也都大同小異，錄取通知？獎學金？有助教可當嗎？對商學院的人而言，景氣也是另一個考量的因素。

靈修進度第84天, 主題是"選擇快樂地渡過今天", 好你個今天!

約翰福音14章27節
"我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們．我所賜的、不像世人所賜的．你們心裡不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。"


很有趣，它用的是"不要膽怯"而不是"要剛強壯膽", 或許是一體兩面, 卻也真是一語中的.
保持對靈的敏銳度, 降低對人的敏感度.

[shower]

浴室灯突如其來地就不亮了。


一開始我有點慌，因為窗外是黑夜，門關上以後內外是隔絕的，也就是全黑狀態。我想把門打開著沖澡，但蓮蓬頭跟門的距離過近，又怕水滴到外面。當時進入到沖洗髮精階段，在閉眼的情況下我下意識推了門一把，把門緊緊關上。


Now I figure it out, 原來我一直都是閉著眼睛洗頭髮的，這麼多日子以來。

就算短暫見不著光，卻不懼怕失了方向。

[Hear the right voice]

看著手邊逐漸堆高的單字跟片語筆記,
sometimes I can hear the sound while reading.

"Huh, after spending less than 3 months on AT and 1 month on iBT, including all documents, essays and applications submitted by yourself as doing normal jobs daily...okay, you think you can do it eventually?"

I don't know. I don't know anything about the future, sometimes I scare of it, but there's no time to be afraid of.


Lots of things were sealed in wardrobe; I find myself almost locked everything up during the days. No exit but few.

In fact, I have no idea about how he will glorify himself in this case.
All I can do is to prepare, to pray, and to put everything in front.



Then go forward.






夢想的重量
一生中或許僅有一次的機會
多年多年後, 再回首, 我可以說, 我有緊抓住神嗎？
Watch out the steps, 還有鋪在腳下的片片snowflake
我是毫無能力的百姓, 或許是困住的, 或自由的, 都沒有剩下.
但, 我是祂的百姓.



想起很久以前被提醒過的
很多事情, 眼前看覺得美好或不幸
但若放在永恆裡, 才會顯出價值來

想起系主任臨別時連續說了五六次"雅各, 要加油！"
隔著紗門還在喊
想起推薦信末尾看到的字樣
暖暖的.

Cause they think I am special.

Of course I am, now I know.
Just like other Christians,
I am looking for more strength and help day by day.


And thanks, I will follow it.
The most difficult part is temperance and endurance.

Let me take your wings.
You can take mine.

[LONG SUFFERING, ENDURANCE, STEADFASTNESS]

When standing on the stage for worship service last Sunday, I decided to sing barely instead of playing bass finally, and found something I had forgotten for a really long time. The thing I ought to do is to put myself prior to any frame or style of worship or playing. I have serve with my skill but my soul so many times...something changes and reminds me how great it is, and how great He is.

I almost forget the voice, my voice, to him.

THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU
NO ONE ELSE CAN TOUCH MY HEART LIKE YOU DO
I COULD SEARCH FOR ALL ETERNITY LORD, AND FIND THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU


YOUR MERCY FLOWS LIKE A RIVER WIDE
AND HEALING COMES FROM
YOUR HANDS
SUFFERING CHILDREN ARE SAFE IN YOUR ARMS
THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

I COULD SEARCH FOR ALL ETERNITY LONG AND FIND
THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU

Once and once again, I sing with the chorus in the storm.




............
Actually I felt depressed while knowing my sales budget for 09' at the very moment.
我記得James在我on board前的忠告,
"不要一開始就出盡全力"
That's hard, especially when I have to make my resume looks better for application!
The company seems to be greedy on me than others.

剛到職的時候, 沒人看好, 因為背著全組第二高的budget.
budget1000萬的人, 做到1300萬, 130%即可領全額獎金,
但我做到1500萬才算是基本100%不被fire掉.

資深業代每天傍晚回家陪家人的時候, 我還在外面跑業績！
09年公司不管不景氣, 全team調漲budget, 最資深的調漲400萬, 我卻是700萬！
無怪乎離職員工說, "I hate Head Quarter treats Taiwan as an ATM..."
無怪乎國外朋友說, "Taiwan companies prefer cheap labor, and you are one of them."

But Why???
當別人月底用各樣方式報帳銷發票的時候, 我堅持用自掏腰包資助客戶忘年會
當別人月支費用被發警告信說不准超過兩萬的時候, 我每個月都控制低於一萬五
付出換回來的是更多的貪婪
透支體力換來的是更多的要求與期望
我期望的只是讓績效與數字好看些, 好補GPA的不足,
Why.............


It seems all storms are gathering to be a huge trial in my life.
當每天拼命擠出時間準備考試與申請文件的時候
當已經數不清幾次在停紅燈打盹的時候
當一天內連續兩次在high way因為恍惚變換車道被大燈閃醒的時候
當付出似乎不得回報的時候, 當一切似乎失去希望的時候
當我把自己放在"似乎已經做的很好"的地方, 卻忽略了上帝能力的時候......




晚上一邊準備iBT備考資料一邊忍不住落淚了,
連要寄給教授的信都打得2266,
看著牆上的白板, 金句寫了滿滿的版面,
心想著怎麼會這樣, 信心呢？忍耐呢？


沖澡時, 彷彿聽見聲音說,
你就是受不了世人用"不公平"的方式待你, 對吧？
別人用某些規則與標準來justify你的的時候,
就可以把你深深刺傷了.
看哪, 你這小信的人！
你的眼光在哪裡呢？
我是怎麼帶你渡過第一年的呢？
以色列人行在曠野中四十年，卻不相信天天行神蹟奇事餵養他們的上帝

若我要成就, 誰能擋呢？
若非我成就, 誰勞力能有果效呢？
我要給你一個新的生命, 你卻停留在靈性低落的光景中,
迦南地的產業要為誰存留？





雅各書1:"...落在百般試煉中, 都要以為大喜樂..."
YBL Day 47, 耶利米哀歌 3:22..."我們不致消滅, 是出於耶和華諸般的慈愛..."

萬般的恩賜中, 唯有"忍耐"必須經過磨難才能學習, 並非禱告就馬上可得
直到不能忍耐的時候, 還要忍耐
這忍耐並非單憑血氣之勇
而是在患難之中, 謹慎言行與活出信心...的見證。



在禱告中,
我彷彿又看見上帝的微笑, 要我緊緊抓住祂
I believe you will lead me to a better place, the promised land.
I know.
堅持, 再堅持.
做好每天應該做的事,
禱告, 等待。


(But I do need your strength, Lord...)
...After tears and prayers, then once again, we fight together.



Psalms 46
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Rome 5:3-4
"...suffering produces perseverance;perseverance, character; and character, hope..."

[YBL-Day 19]

The time to use is so few, the way to go is so far, and the situation goes worse because my new neighbors (2 girls) moved in recently,feeding a puppy!! That drives me crazy these days....especially it barks and scratches things intermittently while it is left home alone!! OhhhAhh~~God helps, keep it shut or zip it up...




"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

-philippians 4:9-10



photo: shot by Jacob, Taipei Main Station
quote: Daily Readings from Your Best Life, Day 19






『就算天空還是有雨』
團契遊樂園7.8 就算天空還是有雨
曲/詞：衛淑華

天 再 高 海 再 深
愛 裡 沒 有 懼 怕
憑 藉 著 愛 高 山 攀 過
荊 棘 總 會 走 過

灑 過 汗 水 灑 過 淚 水
愛 裡 未 會 後 退
每 天 若 你 可 張 開 雙 眼
便 見 證 著 愛 總 伴 隨

灑 過 汗 水 灑 過 淚 水
愛 裡 未 會 後 退
每 天 若 你 可 伸 手 禱 告
便 會 發 現 奇 蹟 伴 隨

就 算 天 空 還 是 有 雨
求 能 為 你 張 開 兩 手
聲 聲 禱 告 上 主 都 聽 到
願 有 日 會 同 望 見 雨 後 天 虹

就 算 心 窩 還 是 會 痛
無 盡 淚 水 主 一 一 看 到
祝 福 千 句 願 驅 走 心 碎
讓 從 前 淚 眼 風 中 抹 去
每 滴 眼 淚 心 中 記 載
艱 苦 孕 育 更 深 的 愛


To Keep walking on the way he intends to make, every step he will watch.
Keep it simple, keep it pure.
Keep going, keep approaching.

Amen.
=)

[祂使人夜間歌唱]

只要看一眼，就忘不了錢總統（自動選字錯誤...是前總統）
把上了手銬的雙手高舉過頭，
對著鏡頭大喊"司法不公"的畫面。（還有double chin）



還記得七月在Pub裡面，跟客戶看著黎礎寧的Live show。
高昂而自信的嗓音從小而厚實的身軀中迸發出來，
活力滿滿的動作，調皮可愛的串場搞笑，印象深刻。
我記得她爸爸也在台下，還帶了一票後援會親戚

她有實力，這是聽過現場後可以感覺的，
甚至比八家將還要好。
那種爆發的威力讓我想到以前的一個身高153的唱將朋友.....




自殺，好像只是一個念頭



我在想，在那時刻，
她是否覺得，那是她生命中唯一能自我決定的東西？
當事業，愛情，家庭，甚至更深的靈魂，彷彿處處受到阻擾，
只剩下，拿去自己的生命。




試著揣摩他們在人生舞台上的感覺，不禁打了個哆嗦
即使有spot light聚焦照著卻依舊寒冷的舞台，
好孤單。



歷史上有名的懸案被告說，
法庭從來不是一個讓真相顯露的地方，
而是讓法官依據現有證據判罪的刑場。
有人說， 命運開了他們一個玩笑
我說，上帝充滿幽默感，常常在開玩笑。


真相到底是什麼？
如果告訴你，只有天上的法庭才知道
你會渴望去那邊嗎？







2008，對許多人而言太過於精彩



荒漠甘泉 / 11 月 04 日
原作 ∕ Mrs. Charles E. Cowman

「祂使人夜間歌唱」（聖經約伯記三十五章 10 節）

有時神喜歡把我們暫時幽禁在試煉、患難中；如果我們竭力掙扎的話，我們的桎梏就會越掙越緊。

一隻急躁的馬，如果不肯安安靜靜地套著馬頭絡，反竭力掙扎的話，結果無非在廄舍中勒死。一隻負軛的動物，如果倔強掙扎， 結果無非擦傷牠自己的頸肩。所以讓我們不學愚昧好動的掠鳥，用翅膀拍撲鳥籠，結果反拍傷了自己的翅膀；讓我們來作馴良的金絲雀，靜坐在棲木上歌唱。
沒有一件災禍能傷害我們，如果我們立刻用虔誠的禱告把它帶到神面前去。常有人在樹下避雨，無意間在樹上找到了果子；照樣， 當我們逃到神的翅膀下去避難的時候，也將在神裡面找到許多我們以前所未曾看見，未曾知道的東西。

這樣，神藉著我們的試煉、患難，給了我們新的啟示；雅博渡口變成了毘努伊勒 ── 摔跤奱成了「面對面見了神」（創世紀32: 30）。受苦的信徒阿，你還有甚麼可傷心的呢？神將使你「夜間歌唱」，「使死蔭變為晨光」（阿摩司書5:8）。你快來讚美祂罷！ ── （ William Taylor ）

服從神的旨意是最柔軟的靠頭枕。
讓我們有信心在下雨天到樹下避雨也會找到果子，
環境再差，神也使人在夜間歌唱！


年輕的時候，我喜歡黑夜。
不知為何，總覺得活力充滿全身
Had no fear of unknown.
Till the darkness falls, the evil shows his fangs and claws.
To believe there dawn will be, everything is gonna lights up.
Job took so long to walk through.
Yap, I wish the man named "Jacob" could run faster.






求你使我在夜間歌唱，
不是出於無知，而有著平實的信心與勇氣。

[1106-calling]

A.
這真是個縮短壽命的壞習慣....
忘了是什麼時候開始
早在拿到公司的手機之前，我就開始不關機了。
大概是有了第二支手機以後吧
一隻可以關機充電, 另一隻就可以保持開機。


當然，當時並不是被客戶追得沿著高速公路跑的身份。
現在這種狀態真的是有點心驚膽顫...
不知道在等待什麼，但在很久很久以前，大學畢業的時候
在哪份報紙上看到針對一位少年自殺的新聞，某作家寫的一段文字，
就再也忘不掉


"....或許，在那個時刻，只要讓他知道，在這個世界上，
還有人能不顧一切傻傻愛他，就能救他一命了吧？"



那時候是這樣想的
"如果有任何一個朋友，在最低潮的時候需要找人，
只要撥給我，一定要接到。"


...想想其實還挺自以為是的，有點像在等待別人溺水的無聊救生員，哈哈


深夜電話接的不多，或許的而且確有幫助過一點點人
有趣的是
等有天發覺自己也想找人的時候，
卻不知道該撥給誰。
這種想了等於沒想，對方也不知道你想撥的電話
也只能把東西藏著，一個人悶著

卻忘了，還有全時間可通的天廳專線



重建聯繫的天梯，我想，更多的熱線是免不了的。

期待有一天，能全心為他人代禱與祈求
（嗯...能不能拜託千萬不要這時候呼召我......讓我多準備些...）







B.
1 Corinthians 11~13
"To the present hour we both hunger and thirst, and we are poorly clothed, and beaten, and homeless. (11) And we labor, working with our own hands. Being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we endure; (12) Being defamed, we entreat. We have been made as the filth of the world, the off-scouring of all things until now.(13)"

11直到如今，我們還是又飢，又渴，又赤身露體，又挨打，又沒有一定的住處。
12並且勞苦，親手作工；被人咒罵，我們就祝福；被人逼迫，我們就忍受；
13被人毀謗，我們就善勸，直到如今，人還把我們看作世界上的污穢，萬物中的渣滓。



看到經節的時候，很強烈地浮現出，
其實人們在地上的現實生活並沒有那麼缺乏！
所謂又飢又渴，食衣住行無一得全
似乎暗示著人們對物質生活的不確定性，渴望與貪求
與真正靈糧的缺乏。

會不會不知不覺就變成兩邊同等重要
靈性與物質性...

這是剛開始工作的時候，心中浮現的念頭
想到復鈞提點過的，神有時也任憑人照自己的意思做事，
而且不見得不順利，這可更危險了.....

不能把順利的事情就歸因於上帝喜悅所以成就
也不能在不順利的事情上歸咎於相反的結論

brief conclusion：隨時隨地都有可能偏離或回到神的道，僅在一念之間。



凡事都可行，但不都有益處。


12 13節，想想自己，或許外面的人看我家教良好，
有禮貌知進退
但實際上壓抑的自己沒幾個人看得見
太好強了，
就像低著頭猛衝的蠻牛一樣，
偏偏這頭牛又吃不胖，一推很容易就走偏了...

呼嚕呼嚕...







C.
新的部門主管九月初來以後，總對他充滿了好奇心
大學學歷，33歲，統管台灣分公司疫苗部門，港仔，
有點長得像孔慶祥...
（請同事看到這篇的饒我一命...）

從近代的廣告，電影，看得出泰國的影視工業早凌駕在台灣之上。
香港人，除了影視，在流行歌創作上也很火熱。
詩歌也是。

我一向很欽佩港仔，除了夾縫中拼出一片天的龍虎門精神，
當然特殊歷史背景造成的自我認同與定位也是台灣人可參考的對象。

國語英語詩歌聽慣了的朋友可參考看看。
1.上帝聽禱告






2.天使在左右




D.
美國人邏輯真難懂......若用例子就是

麥當勞叔叔吃薯條愛沾糖醋醬, 則以下何者weaken原文？

A.大鳥姊姊喜歡玉米濃湯
B.肯德基爺爺買雞塊時忘了拿糖醋醬
C.漢堡神偷喜歡吃蕃茄醬
D.奶昔大哥分不清蕃茄醬跟糖醋醬
E.elmo喝可樂時喜歡加胡椒粉

（感謝芝麻街與肯德基友情支援）



如果你開始想答案...恭喜你...進入AT的思考領域......

[以撒啊...有你的信...]

To Dear Dad,
摔角真是超累的
尤其是跟一個不會敗的對手。（還會偷吃步扭你大腿）

遙遠的香港電影裡面，打麻將的時候會說"投降輸一半"
現在對方卻笑嘻嘻地說
"認輸才會贏"

老爹啊.....不是"愛拼才會贏"嗎......
像你一樣一生都低調行事真的不是我的風格
現在不得不說
早知道我就像你一樣了...省得累的半死


順便給你看兩節未來的經文,
今天走在路上風吹過來被我撿到的。

Ephesians 5:13
But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light,
for whatever makes manifest is light. (13)
凡事受了責備，就被光顯明出來；因為一切能顯明的，就是光。

Ephesians 5:17
Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.(17)
不要作糊塗人，要明白主的旨意為何。





謝謝不知道從哪來的迫切代禱，
可能是哥，感謝主，
我很需要。

還有
你們都上了年紀，野味少吃點
叫媽用清淡點的橄欖油下廚



Love,
your son, Jacob

[0920-banner ch worship]

I bumped into an worship accidentally last Sat,
instead of swimming just cause of a thought.

Actually that's for teens, moreover, it was an uniform-day meeting ... 囧
Fortunately I chose to stay though in that abashed situation, to finish the lecture.

To make some extracts below.



Topic：
[Don't be in hurry! God's work in my life is not over yet!]
別急！神在我身上的工作還沒結束！


Three ways that God works in our life:
神在我們的生命裡動工的三個方法：

1. We can grow through connecting with God.
1. 我們經過[與神連結]得到成長
Mk.6:30-31

2. We can grow through difficult challenge.
2. 我們經過[挑戰困難]得到成長
Mk.6:35-37

3. We can grow through dangerous waves.
3. 我們經過[風浪危險]得到成長
Mk.6:47-49


prayer:

Dear Lord,
I remember Mom's prayer for me before went to college long time ago.
"榮神益人"



Now you stand still, and I am beg of you the same thing in your plan.

Amen.

[verse 0918]

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

Jeremiah 31:3






Dear Father in Heaven, thanks for revealing us true love created,
May you teach us on earth.

Jacob

[verse 0906]

Psalm 138:8

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O Lord, endures forever-
do not abandon the works of your hands. "







Don't tell me if you don't wanna, just show me the draft you planned for me
What will I be？Where will I go？

I'm so hungry.