[stigmatized／聖痕]

[receptors]
From text to image, there must be something lost.
There are several things that make me a linkage to God's creation in this world: Art series (music, films and etc.), humanity, and observation. Being one of them, observation give adverse effect sometimes. Additionally, what away from another delightful production is sense of humor and criticism. I was used to be an "ousider" who keeps a distance from those "raw material" stuff in the world long before. It helps a lot to seperate and distinguish some elements from the surface. It seems to devote myself into God's plan is the same thing with to involve in the real world, so far, of course it needs lots of courage and strength. Insider, it is what i was doing and what i have to do.



One of the truths i have found these days is, the way how i learn new things is presented long before and kinda amazing. It seems i can have more receptors from many reflections of nature with more instruments i learn or touch, more movies, art productions and melody i hear, and more people i contact. Once i hated the sensitivity revealed on my own because of receiving so much sorrows and desires from human even from myself. It is suddenly enlightened that the meaningful thing is how to control the force but to deny and reject the gift from heaven. I prayed right after the acknowledgement for using them well and hope to honor HIS name on the stage anywhere, few months ago. After hearing numerous types of music these year, i return to the baseline recently. Japanese pop (Lar'c en ciel) led me walk on the land of drums and bass; British styles(RHCP, radiohead) gave me another sense of slack and spontaneousness. It is a transition stage for me to enjoy the worship songs while driving along the way beneath the cloudy skies even pale moon light. It is one of the greatest creation ever--music, the vibration of the air--to fulfill mankind's living. Ease and free my soul eternally.



It seems another providence to realize the barrier hinders me from drums and bass playing...it links to my familiar style of reading and growing directly, but it is not so clear so far, to avoid redundancy, let's talk about it next time. Key words: firm and rhythm.





One of the symbols of real courage is, to face and surpass barriers with strength of God though getting tired, annoyed, even pissed off by the "real world" or even damaged by them, because we know the difference between "REAL" and "TRUTH". The former hints us pieces of impossibilities and stigmata, the latter removes our sights and minds from what the world think of. I know i am still learning about so many things, like to face to shame of being inappropriate in behaviors and manners and to insist on doing right things after irreversible damage. (Yap...BE a man, DO the right thing) I knew it before but can only made it sometimes. Don't know why, but it reminds me another epigram told from one of my military peers long before. "The one who loves you most is the one willing to turn away his back against the whole world." Man, maybe we don't have to fight desperately, because another harsh battlefield lays inside our hearts, old-me.




I think it is still meaningful to touch and know more and more people who know the principles and rules followed in this world. Mom said i should be good at academic jobs in faculties as a professor or scholar. We both are startled by the way i am running on, once. No wonder why people treasure and miss their campus livings so often; it is mercy, sometimes i think.




"To take revenge, sometimes you have to embrace the other side" said by a colonel in the movie "Wolverine". Woops, sorry, manifestly i don't think it is a "RIGHT" reason to sustain and to fight for along the way. The toughest thing is NOT knowing we will succeed on something through all things we have already. it is to insist and sustain on the "RIGHT" thing revealed to us even it shows a high percentage to "LOSE" or to jeopardize others. I treat it as another miracle and act of priviledged grace. When a thing is scarce, it is precious.



Prayer this morning,
Dear heavenly Father, thank you for giving me everything includes full and empty, colors and blank. They are all my prayers 3 years ago. Make me be a man who steels himself to the edge continuously. Please let me know when I am ready. I strive on my part, and you make yours. If you allow, i want to fly.

i want to fly, if allowed;
i want to fly, if allowed,
i want to fly, if allowed.

Stonger than any before, tougher than any before, then.


Here comes a link of a blessed gospel servant in ORTV, it is so touching.

Jon Li: You are all I need

A composer in gospel, i know, soon i will be.

Soon.

[Sautille]

Jacob's mobile temple.

Dear Jacob:
After receiving the last "letter of greetings" from NYC, you have only few schools left on the list. As a first-line soldier of company, a independent warrior among peers, a member of family in shifting, a transformer in career life, a believer toward life and belief, you know which part is the most crucial part among all stuff. Even facing multi-tasks around, do not rely on your own ability but God's strength. Do not forget, the barrier and obstacles laying front came from your prayer. Because you prayed for best blessings, patience, and faith, to get rid of your old-me, to expand capacity, here are what you asked for--after shelling conciousness, desires, and intentions from human--to make it complete.


"Stream in the Desert", the gift you received had become part of your support these days from Chinese New Year. Remember the client with malice you met last week? You were accused of a liar, a cheater, because of disagreement in negotiations. The sorrow and astonishment revealed in your eyes were mixed up with perplexities. It must give you some reminder of the trauma in your life once again. Slanders and assaults are nothing new everywhere even out of business field. Just focus of God's words, let it guide your capacity of introspection and recovery. You have to confront more challenges and barriers approaching in the future. After baptism and trials of fire and flood, the gem glances not only in sunlight but darkest night.

There was, is, and will be no formula in your life except blessings.

Buckle up, Jacob, there are more to come, rapidly.



"Everything is possible for him who believes."
























親愛的賈卡布:

前幾天收到最後一封來自高譚市(?)的問候信之後，你清單上的學校還剩多少呢？
身處企業的前線，商場的鬥爭，家庭的過渡期，職涯的轉換，從過去到未來的人生，對信仰，你很明白到底什麼才是重要的。就算同時需要多工處理，也請緊緊抓住真正的力量，不可倚靠自己的聰明。在每天面對著一層又一層磨難與挑戰的時候，別忘了，這些是你當年自己禱告求的。你說要上好的福分，你說要擺脫老我，你說要擴張境界，你說要信心。豈不知你所求的許多，都是必須在去掉了所有人為的干涉與意有所圖之後，單獨面對信仰時才能成就？









從農曆新年以來，那本荒漠甘泉，一天又一天教訓你，提點你，支持著你。記得上週遇到的意有所圖的客戶嗎？因為殺價協商，而當面指控你說謊，騙子的惱羞成怒的手段，那一瞬間，你眼中流露出的震驚與失望，一定是想起了些什麼吧？別忘了，這是對你生命破口的再一次提醒－－攻擊與誣陷，屢見不鮮的地方可不只在商界，唯有定睛在神的話，才能讓你不停更新生命。經過這些磨練，還有未來的更多挑戰，如5/11的荒漠甘泉所言，經歷過患難與苦楚的考驗，你將會更足以堪當重責大任。還有一大段路要走呢，別鬆懈了！在信的人，凡事都能。

在你過去，現在，到未來的人生，沒有公式，唯有恩典。



Yes, I am here.

[Train 533]

An abrupt downpour striked on my head while I just parked my car in the arcade. It began from this Monday morning, brought me back to my hometown, a city of vapors. Sitting in my car, I sent a message to Mom for my apology that I can't call her back today. I recall having been to Mu-Cha elementary school to visit Mom about three years ago today, April 21st, I was in Military Band then.



I rushed from Ta-an to Taipei main station with the shortest way to keep off the inevitable tragical ending last Sunday night. Hurried into the carriage, I found it seems silly to buy tickets for reserved seats on the last train...it was empty, almost.

One of the advantages of hitching the last bus/train is, you may use spaces more than what you pay for.Sitting on the middle, spreading out the supper on the window seat, I opened my laptop on, began to work on papers, reports and essays, trying to save more time before going home at midnight.

I still can't figure it out even now. I was in conscious of weeping, absence of my mind , when I looked out the window subconsciously, in the section between Ban-ciao and Hsin-chu. I did make it in time to hitch on the train this time...

Calmly.




Without making any decision or thinking through anything else, hate or affection, I just stayed silence, letting teardrops rolling over my cheek bony.




It might be unnatural...I mean, facial expression. I was a mixture with formal dress, food in one hand, another hand on keyboard, looking straight outside the window with tear dropping in seized posture. An attendant paused her steps a bit, maybe she's going to offer me tissues?

I dried my eyes without making any sound, even sob or bawl.

Stepped out of the station with 300 NT parking charges payment, I drove home silently.




It is not so irrelevant to things below.
Actually I did know, even I said thousand times that I don't know.

Knowing the reason why rebellious clients are obdurate, greedy, and never satified with what they have so far. It seems that they are borned to be treated in high-level ways. Knowing the reason why some people outrageously torture those who might be the stumbling stone on the way, to disparage, cheapen, criticize the victims. Then we have role reversal.

People are used to kick the obstruction away from the route, whatever it is. It is useless to make all efforts to help them to know the truth if they are not willing to change the viewpoint. The more effort you pay, the more judgement you have-if you are out of the circle they draw.

It can't be called "BAD", it's just not "GOOD ENOUGH", in their way.

"The justice and righteousness won't be delayed in eternal life". I was told before.


I guess most people consider themselves as the embodiment of lustitia, no wonder how chaos the world is.


It keeps raining outside.


"I am waiting for my first snow scene in life". I told classmates once, just can't remember when.




With scattered lyrics and unfinished songs around, I realize that it is wintertime already.

I just made my choice, from the very beginnning to wherever I should go.


3/10 years.



















剛停好車，突如其來的大雨又將我的微波便當夢拖宕了一下。從週一早上開始，間歇的暴雨，讓我不停想起那充滿水氣的故鄉。在車內傳了個簡訊給老媽，跟她說抱歉今天不能回電話。想起三年前的今天，我在上政大拍照之前跑去木柵國小找老媽玩順便拉了下單槓，那是剛進樂隊的時候。



週日晚上，從大安站一路趕到車站，最短路線已了然於胸，因為我知道趕不上車的悲慘結果。發車前三分鐘衝進空空如也的車廂...也對，哪個神經病會在末班車還買對號座？冷門時刻的好處是，買單人座可以使用三人份的位置：坐中間，把包包放在靠窗的位置，食物攤開在靠走道的桌子上，把筆電平放在腿上搶時間寫報告跟做考古題。到現在還是不明白，明明這次有趕上列車，為什麼會在到新竹之前這段路程，下意識望著窗外的一片漆黑，



靜靜地哭了。



很平靜。

既沒有做什麼決定，也沒有想通什麼，既不恨，也不感動。就只是怔怔地一動不動，讓淚水慢慢滲出，一顆一顆，順著臉頰滑下。




我想當時的表情應該很怪吧，一個穿著整齊的大男生，一手拿著便當盒，一手按著鍵盤，望著窗外一動也不動，眼淚撲簌簌直流。從身邊經過的服務員步伐好像頓了一下，或許是在考慮要不要拿面紙給我。

在到站前把眼淚擦掉，從頭到尾沒發出一點聲音。

走出午夜的月台，付了三百元的停車費，靜靜開車回家。









其實跟以下的事情不完全有關，



不能老是說不知道，其實我是知道的。

知道為什麼那些費盡心思幫忙爭取好價錢跟好籌碼的客戶，用量少沒關係，反而貪得無饜，咄咄逼人，一副天經地義的表情，好像天生就應該被優等對待。知道為什麼有些人可以肆無忌憚地用明目張膽或者精美包裝的攻擊，毀謗，傷害別人，並且留下一句好似客觀並且無可奈何的結尾評語。然後人們不停地角色互換上演同樣的戲碼。


因為有人擋了他們的路，或者說他們這樣認為，所以出手毫不手軟，沒有猶豫。就算用最快的速度幫他們搬開路上的石頭，換來的也是無止盡的嚴苛以及背上的另一刀。

不是不好，而是不夠好...在所謂的"圈子"裡，人做出來的圈子。






以前聽過人說，那些公理正義，如果放在永恆來看，就不會來得太晚了。

但若人人都認為自己是公理正義的那方呢？而且搶著要在現世就獲得回報.....
也難怪，世界上紛爭不會停的。



雨還在下。

忘了哪次對補習班的同學分享說，自己在等著人生中的第一場雪。
看著手邊未完成的曲子，零散的詞，突然發現四周已是皚皚一片。


我只是作了選擇，從一開始，走到最後的最後。



三年來。

求神在祂僕人身上掌權，並讓聖靈在他的生命中結出聖靈的果子。

[Penny Lane]

Posted: 2009-04-08 23:34:09+05:30 IST
Washington: In an effort to retain the best foreign talent in the
country, a bill has been introduced in the US Congress, which if
passed, would give direct “permanent residency” to overseas PhD
students, including from India.

As such these foreign students would be exempted from applying for
H-1B visas or other work visas to stay and work in the United States.
However, not all PhD would be eligible for the popular “Green Card”.

As per the bill introduced by Jeff Flake, Republican Congressman from
Arizona, only those foreign nationals having completed PhDs in science,
technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) would be eligible to
directly apply. If passed, the Stopping Trained in America PhDs from
Leaving the Economy (STAPLE) Act (HR 1791), would end up benefiting
the Indians and Chinese the most, as students from these two countries
account for a majority of the PhD students in the United States.

The bill also say that such PhD holders be exempted from the numerical
quota of H-1B visas.



--

I think I had a stirring of emotion while seeing the news on the board of studyabroad on forum.

It gives me a recall about what happened 2 years ago, when I just finished the compulsory military service. I was browsing on the internet, searching for jobs, vacancies, and industrial news. Then a window flashed in.

"Congratulations! You are the 999,999th client who clicks on this link!!"
"Follow the instruction to complete the procedure, you have a chance to win a green card!!"



Okay, everyone knows what it is, and it is not the first time I saw the advertisement appears to get more clicks or hits on its page. But I did follow the link to do next steps, filled out every blank or any data needed, then I forgot it. The anxiety and panic about unemployment hustled me into the next room. Any response? I almost forsaked the use to yahoo's e-mail account...spams.


Frankly speaking, I don't think "luck" means a lot at any crucial moment in my life, not even than the useless aids. I don't like the lifestyle full of pursuit of capitalism, fortune and wealth, reputation, class. To overcome personal weakness to grow up is much more meaningful. But it just revealed the mood and attitude I had in the period. Regardless the lack of the identity (SSN), education, occupation, language skills, the only thing grabbed in my hands was hope and a piece of dreams, no matter how tiny it was.



Just like the male black widow, feels obliged to treat himself as a tribute, a sacrificial offering to his spouse.
















在留學版看到文章的時候，心忍不住抽痛了一下。



突然想起兩年多前，剛退伍時做過的一件事。


正在網路上投履歷，看國內外財金新聞找產業動態時，突然彈出一個視窗
"恭喜您！成為第999,999位造訪本網站的尊客！"
"請按此處申請綠卡"



對，明眼人都知道，基本上這很明顯是騙點閱數或基本資料的。但我真的用發抖的手點了進去，然後一項一項把資料填完。在那之後呢？有任何期望嗎？其實寫完就忘了，因為馬上陷入找工作等就業的焦慮中。這個微小的盼望，從來就只在心中。有回應嗎？基本上，yahoo信箱後來也因為垃圾信太多所以棄守了。



基本上我從不認為人在關鍵時刻靠的是好運氣，如果有，那就是恩典。這種光用手肘看也心知肚明的彈出型廣告...算了。我一向不太喜歡充滿著追求財富，博取美名，社會地位，爭取認同等目的性很強的人生，能夠看到自己重視的人的笑容，是我最快樂的時候。。但持續克服自己的弱點，倒是非常重要且必要的，而社會也往往會給這樣的人更多的機會。我相信恩典也是。


只是這個舉動恰巧說明了當時的心境。完全沒考慮身分，學歷，職業能力，語言，連社會安全號碼都沒有。就只是想要緊緊抓住手上每朵雲，每個美夢的片段，年輕的自己。




像是把自己送到配偶嘴邊的公蜘蛛，義無反顧。

[Above all]

Thanks to James for picking up the song. I sang it once and once again in my car along the way.

I have to stay in simple for daily living to keep my mind straight.

It doesn't mean I have more leisure time. On the contrary, that lots of stuff congesting my schedule makes me gonna save more time of pondering to keep projects on the rail.

The feeling went complex while Jeremy made a toast to me at annual meeting banquet. "Let's toast for...abroad!" Well, I knew 3 peers began their preparation for GMAT test since last November, accidentally, to apply MBA degrees at fall, 2010. To be compared with those guys who have regular office hour, I complete the progress mostly in my vehicle with fear and depression, at speed from 0 to 62 miles per hour.





It seems as if something puts in my mind but turns into a inconspicuous smile finally. Sure, I can not make everything clear with only few words.


Once again.

Try not to be bullied into something that will suffer if rushed. I felt exhausted and frustrated deeply after finishing AT at January. Voice 1:Don't blame yourself so much, using part-time preparation in 2 months adds up with pressures, it is acceptable. Voice 2:No excuse. only losers say that they have given all their efforts. Voice 3:Nah, you are not talented, but just flattered by someone that you seemed to be good at English.




Always on my catching up on sales performance, on rewriting essays over and over again, on payment transfers, on my flat belly. Eyelids lay down easily on patrol speed, eyeballs feels hurt alone with past months. Well, it still seems good even in such sorrow.



Apparently, all things laying in front seem harsh and tough, maybe it is because you are mad so to believe? Fine,




The war is not over yet, or to say, I do not want to live in days gone by in serenity. It is like a kind of struggle against pragmatism or capitalism, but apparently is an eternal conflict between me and myself. Every words cast away, every tiny decision, every move or action, will call corresponding reaction. Human have to pay more to gain the mercy.


There are so many things on the to-do list, but life is so short.


No time to sigh, because I have to breath to maintain my life.
No time to cry, because it has become my instinct to stand up right after beaten down, even in muddy pits.
No time to think additionally, because the dream is waiting.



It is the reason why I treat every single day as my last day (on the planet), to laugh, to serve, to strive, to confess, to live.












為了專注，我必須讓日常生活不太複雜。這不代表事情可以很少，相反地，必須省下更多思考的時間以維持平衡。



傑洛米前輩在尾牙上敬酒的時候，說 "敬...早日出國！"真是讓我感觸良多。去年十一月的時候，意外知道公司內有三個同事開始上補習班－－為了準備申請2010年的MBA。當時的我在台中只能靠著大陸論壇與網路分享來自修，心裡挫得要死。相比那三位可以準時上下班的同仁，我發覺大部分的讀書進度是在車上－－從時速0到100都有－－完成的。


好像有很多話想說，心思到了嘴邊卻只是抿一抿嘴。
許多事，不是三言兩語就可以交代得完的。


又一次，站在奇怪的位置上。



現在我更可以確定，記憶中痛苦的部份其實沒那麼嚴重。記得剛走出GMAT考場的時候，累積到頂點的壓力造成的疲憊加上不如預期的成績一瞬間來了個會心一擊。第一個聲音說，別太自責，兩個月在職準備加上純自修，況且還有心理壓力與家庭因素，考不好是正常。第二個聲音說，沒有藉口，事實就是沒考好，就像業績沒做到老闆可不會問你是不是感冒拉肚子。第三個聲音說，你果然是英語白痴，以前當兵的時候朋友說你英文不錯只是客套話而已。



從世界的觀點來看，明明條件就惡劣得很，瘋子才會相信有出路。你還相信嗎？雖然你問了，我也只能笑笑，並不清楚該怎麼形容那種感覺。只管看好自己的心與靈魂，剩下的我暫時管不著了。


業績努力追趕，essay重寫無數遍，費用一筆一筆繳出去，肚子也老是咕嚕咕嚕叫，眼皮總在均速的時候特別沈重，眼球這幾個月來卻是越來越痛，不過想著寫著只感覺到，我若不是在天堂，就是在往天堂的路上。我明白自己的影響力，限制，以及能力所及該做的事情。我的祈求是，這些境界可以再擴張，然而若不是為了造就人與榮耀神的緣故，這一切就沒有意義。



何其幸運，我有家人與朋友的無條件全部支持，這些支持並不是為了滿足他們的期望，或是因為我符合他們的價值觀而來的，而是因為是我，愛，無條件。




爭戰尚未結束，或者說，即使結束了，我也不會再想回到過去看似平靜的生活。表面上是對現實社會的掙扎與奮鬥，實際上卻是與老我的永恆鬥爭。每一句出口的話，每一個看似微小的決定，每一舉手投足，都會產生深遠累積的影響。生命要結出聖靈九果，必須有更多代價。



要做的事情實在太多，而生命卻如此短暫。



沒有時間嘆氣，因為必須不停吸氣好踩住下一步。
沒有時間哭泣，因為早一秒從地上爬起來，就多一秒站立的時間，即使扒了滿手土。
沒有時間多想，因為方向老早就定了，只是做的太少。


所以我將每一天都當成最後一天，
在婚禮上給新人驚喜，在有趣的朋友間幫他們牽線，
放聲笑，盡心服事，奮力戰鬥，凡事思想，認真活著。

[supporting role]

...在基督徒的生命中也是如此。有時，像保羅一樣，我們被風浪逼得甚急，太陽和星辰多日不顯露，又有狂風大浪進逼，我們得救的指望就都絕了。在這樣的光景中，我們只能做一件事…


～Streams in the desire, Apr. 1st

[film]Slumdog Millionaire

Although the atmosphere of entertainment almost evaporates in life recently, it still took me 2 hours (additional one for the article) on the trips between Taipei and Taichung to finish the film. Part of the reason for my choice is I have heard so many times of its original sound track on ICRT these days...


In my thinking, Danny should be hanged and tortured by India Tourism Bureau. Because he reveals another view with his lens which penetrates the official disguise and goes into the real living (or lives) in India. Well, I think it is still modest, according to comments and travel notes posted on internet.(Cough)It is completely insane to take the first trip in India to whom never travel to a distant place.



British director, Indian ingredients, Hollywood resource, hmm, anything else we miss? Yap, it is the comparison between the adaption and the manuscript. It will not be listed today－includes more love issues with less brotherhood relatively, crowded schedule of fully 10 Q&A arranged to say one's life experience in 2 hours. Let's just deconstruct the exquisite and touching feelings in it.


We will see million branches of comments from different people after seeing different movies. In my case, Jamal, the hero of the film, with his brother Salim, played a representative dihedral in life－vision and reality. Jamal chased his dreams in his whole life in the film, even it seems not so pragmatic to any other one. He dared to jump into a manure pit （then runs into a crowd ＝口＝）to win a autographed picture from his idol; He clung on the faith to his love after the separation in life or death; He walked on the stage of a quiz show on TV to grab the chance to make a appearance to his untraceable lover. It just all originates from LOVE, guys!



Now it is a harsh time to his elder brother Salim. Salim participated every turning point in their lives. He transacted Jamal's autographed picture stealthily with money back; To hide them from persecution of Hindus; to forbid Latika's entrance of canopy because its capacity, but turned his back and pretended to sleep to allow his Jamal showing his mercy; To kill the human trafficker in crucial moment but let go Latika's hands to get rid of the burden to protect Jamal; To make Latika a tribute to Jamal's face to win his new boss's dependence after their reunion once again...



What a brother in Jamal's eyes？In their last reunion, Jamal hit Salim angrily and said, "I will never forgive you!". So-called bloodthirsty Salim just murmur "I know" on his knees.

For once in Jamal's life, his hands wear in blood－his brother's blood.




Jamal, a cheap hero, started out with simplicity, trade with his brother's blood and sacrifice, and carried on his back of all hopes and expectation come from those Indians who strive and suffer under the persecution of caste system but yearn for renaissance. Ironically speaking, under the expectation of breaking the destiny of the underclass, Jamal's "victory" seems to be another type of destiny－He is doomed to stand on the stage and take all heritages.




As a symbol of dreams chaser, Jamal holds his faith to his true love with no compromise till the end, but often feels weak when facing the real world. As a representative of reality, Salim gives up all illusions but chooses practical ways instead, and still treat his younger brother's life, or to say, survive, to the first priority. In the last scene, Salim consolidated a road with roses to Jamal with bringing up the rear alone. "He never gives up, right?" Said Salim, delivered the key to Latika. "Please forgive…what I have done."

"Thank you, God." The last phrase of Salim, with jollification and acclaim cast on the screen.



To protect their love, people always hurt other things they don't love without any pause. The man who love deeper, also bite fiercer. The quizmaster vilifies, accuses Jamal of cheating to conserve "his show".（Former CIA agent in film "Taken" who kills 36 villains to save 1 victim.）.Victim mentality is another accomplice to facilitate the hatred and hostility to the barricade blocks the way to their so-called happiness. To spare no effort, the barrier should be destroyed, that's what we call madness.

The growth comes alone with the expansion of duty, ability, and capacity. Every word we say, every action we take, will affect other's life whether we are conscious of being or not.


Now I don't think it is a good idea to expound the idealism in essays requested by MBA programs which raise capitalism to their lead. If so, the schools with such circumstance are suitable for the hypocrites who use freedom, grace, and love as the camouflage.

How fierce the sorrow and the beauty hidden behind the surface of the world are. It is time to march then charge with no fear, apparently. My dear heavenly Father.
To keep simplicity and awareness from Jamal and Salim, this is what I pray for.







雖然娛樂這兩個字都快忘記怎麼寫了，我還是花了生命中的兩個小時(外加文章的一小時)把"貧民百萬富翁"在往返北中的車上看了一遍，原因之一是ICRT實在打原聲帶打很大，打不用錢。


我在想，丹尼鮑伊應該要被印度觀光局抓起來打一頓，因為他拍出了很多不會出現在官方宣傳手冊上的，印度的真實一面－－雖然我覺得已經很客氣了，跟網路上找到的旅遊札記與心得文相比。（對，對於一個從未遠行過的人而言，印度自助旅行計畫算是超級瘋狂）


英國導演，印度題材，好萊塢資源，嗯，還有什麼可挑剔的？對了，就是跟原著比較的改編手法。不過，包含著啟人疑竇的愛情元素比重增加，兄弟之情的戲份相對漸少，還有在兩小時內硬是塞入十項問答來交代主角身世等爭議元素，不在此文討論之列，只想純粹來解構我眼中看到的細膩與感動。



不同的人看了不同的電影可以分出百萬種感動。對我來說，主角Jamal與他的哥哥Salim分別象徵了人生的一體兩面，夢想與實際。電影中，Jamal奮其一生追求的是一個夢想－－即使在旁人看來不切實際，包括為了拿到偶像明星的照片而不惜跳入糞坑，擠入人群的決心（也很偉大的是那個願意幫他簽名的明星吧），歷經生離死別卻緊守著心中那份愛情的憧憬，為了爭取在心愛的人前面露臉的機會而坐上了百萬問答益智節目的挑戰台，一切都是為了愛啊！孩子！



然而這可苦了他哥哥了。在戲中，所有生命的轉折，幾乎都由哥哥擔綱，偷偷賣掉弟弟的偶像簽名照後笑嘻嘻捧著錢回來；拉著弟弟逃避印度教徒的追殺；三個小孩在躲雨時說空間不夠不許女主角進來，自己卻轉過身去裝睡，讓弟弟偷偷放水；緊要關頭，掏槍殺了人口販子，拉著男女主角跑上火車時，悄悄地放開了女孩的手讓男女主角分離；為了在新老大前面建立地位，將好不容易重逢的女主角硬生生從弟弟眼前奪去...



在弟弟眼中，他是什麼樣的哥哥呢？最後一次重逢時，主角憤怒地打了興奮要相認的哥哥一拳後，大喊"我永遠都不會原諒你的！"，而殺人不眨眼的哥哥只是跪著默默抹去嘴邊的血，說了聲"我知道"。



Jamal的手唯一碰到血的一次，是他兄弟的血。


Jamal是個廉價的英雄，他以單純的心出發，付出的是親人的鮮血與犧牲，卻背負了所有在階級種族不平等制度下，渴望著出頭天的所有印度人的期待。諷刺的是，當所有人期待著Jamal"打破宿命"－－從社會底層一夕逆轉－－的同時，Jamal的成功卻彷彿是另一種宿命－－他註定會站在這裡，領受一切。



身為夢想的表徵，Jamal對自己的夢想不妥協，堅持追尋著生命的最愛直到最後，但對於真實生活中的嚴苛卻常常束手無策。作為現實的代表，Salim放棄了所有幻想，他選擇了對現實不妥協，然而他依舊將弟弟擺在生命中的第一位，或者說，弟弟的生存。到了最後，Salim為弟弟鋪了一條，盡他所能安排最好的康莊大道，然後，一個人留下來斷後。"他永不放棄，對吧？" Salim笑著說，把車鑰匙交給Latika。"請原諒我所做過的。"




"感謝真主。"，Salim的最後一句台詞。而螢幕裡正傳來興高采烈的歡呼聲。



人常常會為了自己所愛的，不惜去傷害其他人所愛的。父母保護孩子，親友互相包庇，出手越狠，愛的越深。電影中主持人為了維護自己的節目能繼續, 不惜栽贓Jamal並使其遭受拘留並接受訊問，（電影－即刻救援中做掉36個人來救一個人的爸爸)。而東方人長久以來的受害者心態也常常成為推波助瀾的幫兇。攔阻自己理想生活的一切意外全成了可憎的存在，不惜代價也要消滅與摧毀的瘋狂。



不論在職場或人生，成長伴隨的是責任與能力的擴張。每一個出口的字句，每一個舉止行動，都會深深影響到其他生命─不論我們意識到與否。



我現在覺得已經丟出去的四間申請應該凶多吉少了，因為我在入學短論文裡面也寫了類似這種論述，這的確不太像資本主義掛帥的企管碩士會講的話──其實世俗追求者比較適合去念吧，明明愛比較的要死卻打著愛與自由的旗幟。



親愛的阿爸父，這世界背後的痛楚與美意如此強烈，是衝刺與行軍的時候了，謝謝你從未讓我的腳步停止。能持守著Jamal的純真與Salim的覺悟，這是我的禱告與祈求，繼續擴張我的境界，行你看為大的奇事，成為合用的器皿，在這條路上永不退縮。








--
OST-Dreams on Fire

You are my waking dream
You're all that's real to me
You are the magic in the world I see

You are the prayer I sing
You brought me to my knees
You are the faith that made me believe

Dreams on fire
Higher n higher
Passions burning
Right on the pyre

One spark, forever yours
Give me
All your heart
Dreams on fire
Higher n higher

You are my ocean waves
You are my thought each day
You are the laughter from childhood games

You are the spark of dawn
You are where I belong
You are the ache I feel in every song

Dreams on fire
Higher n higher
Passions burning
Right on the pyre

One spark, forever yours
Give me
All your heart
Dreams on fire
Higher n higher

[Muslin Wedding]

[Vier] Revolution
"Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." I moved out to an apartment located on the place where is away from my home about 10 minutes. To readjust the relationship and attitude with family.



[Drei] Landing
This is where I dreamed for, where I loved at. Just on board at Military Police Marching Band in 2 weeks, rookie. Believe nothing is impossible so long as to shed one's blood and lay down one's life.



[Zwei] Promise. Tolerance.
First day on full-time job. Audit at Pacific Group Instruction till nine and half. Being treated as a step stone because lacking of worldly wisdom. My bike was stolen in front of Taipei 101 after only one-day riding. Paid up the loan of the Giant six months later to granny.



[Ein] Oath. Resolve.
Drove on the way. To face a new challenge to go all out to walk the line.



[Null] Mercy. Salvation.
Genesis 32:24　 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.



[Zukunft] Miracle. Dream.
Let my feet be distant from the place. Guide me into Cannan. Wherever it is, whatever it locates. My dear March 1st.










四年前　革命
離開老家，搬到距離僅十分鐘車程以外的市區公寓，關係與心態的重新調整。



三年前　著陸
我的夢，我的愛。軍樂隊報到兩週整，菜的要命。傻傻的以為未來只要熱血就可以。



二年前　承諾與忍耐
初次踏入正職工作，在太平洋建設查帳到九點半。鐵馬在101前面被偷，騎乘壽命=一天。捷安特的借款半年後還清，苦主為老祖母。



一年前　誓言與決心
道路駕駛經驗<24小時的我，照舊傻傻地驅車登台中，不知道是想不開還是想開了。



現在　恩典與救贖
「只剩下雅各一人，有一個人來和他摔跤，直到黎明。」（創卅二24）



一年後　奇蹟與夢想
願我雙腳離開這深谷，去到應許之地。
無論何處去，無論是否實體。我親愛的三月一日。


Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack - Dreams On Fire

[News-Pharma-MRSA is on the decline]

MRSA on the wane--in the intensive-care unit, anyway


We've been hearing for some time now about the proliferation of drug-resistant staph infections caused by bacteria that are stronger than antibiotics. Today there's an indication that in at least one small portion of the universe, the infections are actually on the decline.


The rate of methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) bloodstream infections from central lines (intravenous catheters) in hospital intensive care units (ICUs) dropped by half between 1997 and 2007, according to research in tomorrow's Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA). It’s unclear exactly how many Americans become sick with MRSA in ICUs every year, but an estimated 94,360 Americans contracted such infections in 2005, just over a quarter of them caught in the hospital, according to CDC research published two years ago in JAMA. MRSA is responsible for 5.6 percent of all central line-caused infections.


So it’s good news, but there are a few catches: If you do catch a staph infection in the ICU, it was still more likely during the time period studied that you’d have MRSA, rather than the much more treatable methicillin-susceptible Staphylococcus aureus (MSSA).


Nor does the research, by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) researchers, speak to the chance of catching MRSA elsewhere in the hospital — never mind outside, which is where experts say the problem is worst.


"This is just a subset of the problem and we can't use it to speak to the whole problem," says study co-author Deron Burton, a lieutenant commander in U.S. Public Health Service. "But we are seeing success in reducing MRSA risk, because while ICU patients are smaller in number, they are highly vulnerable. To see we've had dramatic decline in high-risk patients is a very exciting finding about what's happening with MRSA in the healthcare facility."


Burton added that the data doesn’t make clear why MRSA is more common in the ICU than MSSA. Overuse of antibiotics has been speculated as a possible cause.


Hospitals in recent years have tried to reduce bloodstream infections by implementing more standardized hand-washing procedures for staff, methods of inserting catheters and taking them out sooner. But the study doesn’t show which of these infection-control methods, if any, accounted for the decline in staph and other bloodstream infections in the ICU, wrote Michael William Climo of the Hunter Holmes McGuire VA in Richmond, Virginia, in an editorial accompanying the study.


What's more, fewer than 6 percent of ICUs that submitted data to the National Healthcare Safety Network, a voluntary surveillance system that monitors the infections, contributed data for the whole length of the study. And it's unknown whether MRSA bloodstream infections transmitted through ventilators, or those in the skin and soft tissue, also decreased among those hospitals.


"Clearly, ICUs … have made substantial progress at reducing hospital-acquired infections, suggesting that real change is being made," Climo wrote. "Despite this progress, most ICUs are far from the goal of zero infections."


Image of MRSA/CDC/Janice Haney Carr/Jeff Hageman via Public Health Image Library




一直以來, 抗生素往往壓不下因細菌感染引起的抗藥性葡萄球菌的增殖. 如今有跡象顯示, 至少有一小部份的感染正在衰退中.

根據JAMA的一項研究指出, 在1997~2007的十年間, 在醫院的ICU(加護病房)中, MRSA(金黃色葡萄球菌)在主血管(主靜脈)中的感染率下降了50%. 在美國, 每年在ICU中感染MRSA的人數並不好抓, 如以兩年前CDC(疾管局)在JAMA發表的資料, 單以2005年為例即有超過四分之一的住院患者, 94,360人左右. 在所有的血管主幹道感染中, MRSA約佔了5.6%左右.


這是個好消息, 然而請注意: 如果你在ICU中發生了葡萄球菌感染, 中MRSA的機率, 還是比好對付的MSSA(甲氧西林敏感金黃色葡萄球菌)多的多.


"這只是一小部份, 不能當作全面性的解答." 身為公共衛生局的官員(少校), 也是本篇研究的共同作者之一, Deron Burton表示. "但我們渴求成功地降低MRSA感染, 因為ISU病患一旦減少, 他們會更易受感染. 在醫療院所中MRSA正面臨的改變, 對於高感染風險的病患而言, 是非常令人興奮的."


Burton指出, 這份資料並未充分顯示, 在ICU裡, 為何MRSA比MSSA更為常見. 抗生素濫用被認為是主要的原因之一.


近年來, 醫院一直藉著許多程序的推動來企圖降低血液感染, 如落實醫護人員手部清潔, 以及要求導管插拔速度等. 但研究並未納入這些防治方法. 如果說有的話, 那非是Michael William Climo不可. 他在Hunter Holmes McGuire VA in Richmond, Virginia參與研究.


再者, 在一項自發性感染監督系統-National Healthcare Safety Network-的運作中, 只有不到6%的ICU有回報資料, 而它們正是整個研究的資料來源. 此外, MRSA是否可藉著通風系統, 或附著於皮膚或面紙之上來傳播, 依然是未知數, 這樣一來, 醫院的配合度也降低了.


"明顯地, ICU...在降低院內感染的貢獻上有了些實質的進展, 有些改變正在進行." Climo寫道. "儘管如此, 離零感染還有很長的路要走"





(Translated by Jacob)

Though I am far from the field of anti-biotic now, it was once my enlightenment of entering the industry.

Thank you, Lord.

[YBL-Day 84-Do Not be afraid]

"Eine feste Burg ist unser Gott"

The spiritual provision I have is less than a week now, so soon.

Another test is over. I want to apology to the examinee beside me after all, for my intermittent cough in my writing period, hope it did not bother or interfere his speaking section. It is not surprising to know Teresa's AT score is higher than mine even after her short preparation in ONE month. The wonderful thing is the score achieves the lowest standard of her application, amazing!

I participated in a special cell group last Satuday. Maybe it is because of my illness or not, I spoke little but listened mostly. The straight words came out might be quite scary to normal people, but I still feel free on it. After that, I did something that I have never done during the past 7 years, and took some pictures before went home.

Still remember the chat with a friend. He uttered some words surprising to me: He had never thought of the graduation and some following issues after that, he just went out by his confidence. Seriously, it is difficult to know the scene before entering the mist. Maybe we are quite familiar, me and other students studying abroad. We all worry about the same things: admission? scholarship? TA? It is another issue considerable: prosperity or recession.

The progress of spiritual studying, day 84, "Choose to live through out the day happily", what a day!

John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The words it uses are "Do not be afraid" but "be brave", they might be the same thing on both sides, but it brings out the crucial point on the status.

To keep high sensibility with spirit, but human.


轉瞬間就剩下不到一週的存糧了.

考試結束了，最有感覺的大概是想跟隔壁的考生說對不起吧，寫作文的時候不停咳嗽，不知道有沒有干擾到他的麥克風收音。知道老妹的AT在準備月餘就上場的情況下還比我高20分並不意外, 有趣的是這剛好到達他的學校要求的門檻, 感謝主.

週六參加了一個很奇妙的小組, 不知道是不是因為生病, 我變得話少, 聽著大家的分享與會嚇到正常人的直言直語, 卻挺自在. 之後做了一件七年沒做的事情, 回家前順手拍了一些照片.

記得之前跟朋友聊天，他說了一句話讓我有點兒驚到：他出國前根本沒有想過能不能順利畢業，或是以後的事情，就只是憑著信心出去而已！說正格的，不走上這條路真的不知道路有多難走，後來我才漸漸感受到，原來許多留學生的心情也都大同小異，錄取通知？獎學金？有助教可當嗎？對商學院的人而言，景氣也是另一個考量的因素。

靈修進度第84天, 主題是"選擇快樂地渡過今天", 好你個今天!

約翰福音14章27節
"我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們．我所賜的、不像世人所賜的．你們心裡不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。"


很有趣，它用的是"不要膽怯"而不是"要剛強壯膽", 或許是一體兩面, 卻也真是一語中的.
保持對靈的敏銳度, 降低對人的敏感度.