[Above all]

Thanks to James for picking up the song. I sang it once and once again in my car along the way.

I have to stay in simple for daily living to keep my mind straight.

It doesn't mean I have more leisure time. On the contrary, that lots of stuff congesting my schedule makes me gonna save more time of pondering to keep projects on the rail.

The feeling went complex while Jeremy made a toast to me at annual meeting banquet. "Let's toast for...abroad!" Well, I knew 3 peers began their preparation for GMAT test since last November, accidentally, to apply MBA degrees at fall, 2010. To be compared with those guys who have regular office hour, I complete the progress mostly in my vehicle with fear and depression, at speed from 0 to 62 miles per hour.





It seems as if something puts in my mind but turns into a inconspicuous smile finally. Sure, I can not make everything clear with only few words.


Once again.

Try not to be bullied into something that will suffer if rushed. I felt exhausted and frustrated deeply after finishing AT at January. Voice 1:Don't blame yourself so much, using part-time preparation in 2 months adds up with pressures, it is acceptable. Voice 2:No excuse. only losers say that they have given all their efforts. Voice 3:Nah, you are not talented, but just flattered by someone that you seemed to be good at English.




Always on my catching up on sales performance, on rewriting essays over and over again, on payment transfers, on my flat belly. Eyelids lay down easily on patrol speed, eyeballs feels hurt alone with past months. Well, it still seems good even in such sorrow.



Apparently, all things laying in front seem harsh and tough, maybe it is because you are mad so to believe? Fine,




The war is not over yet, or to say, I do not want to live in days gone by in serenity. It is like a kind of struggle against pragmatism or capitalism, but apparently is an eternal conflict between me and myself. Every words cast away, every tiny decision, every move or action, will call corresponding reaction. Human have to pay more to gain the mercy.


There are so many things on the to-do list, but life is so short.


No time to sigh, because I have to breath to maintain my life.
No time to cry, because it has become my instinct to stand up right after beaten down, even in muddy pits.
No time to think additionally, because the dream is waiting.



It is the reason why I treat every single day as my last day (on the planet), to laugh, to serve, to strive, to confess, to live.












為了專注，我必須讓日常生活不太複雜。這不代表事情可以很少，相反地，必須省下更多思考的時間以維持平衡。



傑洛米前輩在尾牙上敬酒的時候，說 "敬...早日出國！"真是讓我感觸良多。去年十一月的時候，意外知道公司內有三個同事開始上補習班－－為了準備申請2010年的MBA。當時的我在台中只能靠著大陸論壇與網路分享來自修，心裡挫得要死。相比那三位可以準時上下班的同仁，我發覺大部分的讀書進度是在車上－－從時速0到100都有－－完成的。


好像有很多話想說，心思到了嘴邊卻只是抿一抿嘴。
許多事，不是三言兩語就可以交代得完的。


又一次，站在奇怪的位置上。



現在我更可以確定，記憶中痛苦的部份其實沒那麼嚴重。記得剛走出GMAT考場的時候，累積到頂點的壓力造成的疲憊加上不如預期的成績一瞬間來了個會心一擊。第一個聲音說，別太自責，兩個月在職準備加上純自修，況且還有心理壓力與家庭因素，考不好是正常。第二個聲音說，沒有藉口，事實就是沒考好，就像業績沒做到老闆可不會問你是不是感冒拉肚子。第三個聲音說，你果然是英語白痴，以前當兵的時候朋友說你英文不錯只是客套話而已。



從世界的觀點來看，明明條件就惡劣得很，瘋子才會相信有出路。你還相信嗎？雖然你問了，我也只能笑笑，並不清楚該怎麼形容那種感覺。只管看好自己的心與靈魂，剩下的我暫時管不著了。


業績努力追趕，essay重寫無數遍，費用一筆一筆繳出去，肚子也老是咕嚕咕嚕叫，眼皮總在均速的時候特別沈重，眼球這幾個月來卻是越來越痛，不過想著寫著只感覺到，我若不是在天堂，就是在往天堂的路上。我明白自己的影響力，限制，以及能力所及該做的事情。我的祈求是，這些境界可以再擴張，然而若不是為了造就人與榮耀神的緣故，這一切就沒有意義。



何其幸運，我有家人與朋友的無條件全部支持，這些支持並不是為了滿足他們的期望，或是因為我符合他們的價值觀而來的，而是因為是我，愛，無條件。




爭戰尚未結束，或者說，即使結束了，我也不會再想回到過去看似平靜的生活。表面上是對現實社會的掙扎與奮鬥，實際上卻是與老我的永恆鬥爭。每一句出口的話，每一個看似微小的決定，每一舉手投足，都會產生深遠累積的影響。生命要結出聖靈九果，必須有更多代價。



要做的事情實在太多，而生命卻如此短暫。



沒有時間嘆氣，因為必須不停吸氣好踩住下一步。
沒有時間哭泣，因為早一秒從地上爬起來，就多一秒站立的時間，即使扒了滿手土。
沒有時間多想，因為方向老早就定了，只是做的太少。


所以我將每一天都當成最後一天，
在婚禮上給新人驚喜，在有趣的朋友間幫他們牽線，
放聲笑，盡心服事，奮力戰鬥，凡事思想，認真活著。